LOTR: The Sequel: The Breach of MiddleEarth
by makoto-47
Summary: A.K.A. Hot Ship Lite: A sad, twisted story starring the Yayas. When Emily decides to write a LOTR fanfic, you know you're not dealing the with the normal: the Pantyhose of Goodness, Fiddler on the Roof References, EowynArwen Fight Club and OOO! JESUS!
1. Dwarf Women and Rolly Chairs

The Lord of the Rings: The Sequel: The Breach of Middle-Earth By Makoto-47 aka Emily Claire Chapter One: Introduction: Rolly-Chairs and Dwarf Women Note: There are some references to my story, the Hot Ship, so you might want to go read this first...or perhaps I am merely doing shameless advertising...who knows? *Disclaimer: I own no Lord of the Rings characters, they are all the property of the great god J.R.R. Tolkien or New Line Cinema, if you prefer. Likewise, OFUM and the "Naturally Nine" theory are property of Miss Cam-go read it right now! The Yayas are property of me...hahaha! Anawyn is property of Lan.  
  
It was another pleasant day in the Journalism classroom and the group of four friends were rolling around in rolly-chairs. Well, they were attempting to roll around in the rolly-chairs, you see, they weren't what you would call high-quality rolly-chairs...the majority of the time you would push off in one direction and immediately go in the complete opposite direction, thus aborting your plan completely...where was I going with this? I have no clue.... Allow me to continue: The four friends were really bored and looking for something to do.  
  
Emily "rolled" over to her computer (by the only way that worked, which was to grasp the bottom of the seat and then drag your seat while scooting in the direction you chose) and sat with fingers posed at the keyboard, ready to type...  
  
"But what to write?" she thought, then an idea dawned on her.  
  
"Hey guys," she called to her friends, "If I wrote a Lord of the Rings fan-fic-"  
  
"Ooo! Yeah!" exclaimed Rachael, "Write one!"  
  
"Yeah, and make it funnier than the Hot Ship," agreed Lan.  
  
Rachael glared at her. "NOTHING is funnier than the Hot Ship."  
  
Lan was unafraid and did not cower in the stern look and merely stuck her tongue out at Rachael before turning back to Emily.  
  
"Write it," she said, "And put us in it!"  
  
"Well, what do you want to be?" inquired Emily, preparing to type.  
  
"Read the shirt, stupid," said Lan, bending back over her pre-cal notebook, her long dark Asian hair falling in her face...how can hair be Asian? I have no clue, I'm not Asian...ask Lan.  
  
Emily complied. Lan's shirt read: "Anawyn: The Lord of the Rings Sequel." Thus, Emily was reminded that Lan was Äowyn's twin sister who was sent off to Elvish boarding school.  
  
"What about you, Rach?" she asked Rachael.  
  
"Gandalf's lover," she replied without missing a beat.  
  
"Yeah, but, you've got to have a race-"  
  
"Gandalf's lover," said Rachael again, not even looking up from the Gackt website she was looking at.  
  
"Yeah, but-"  
  
"Look, am I gonna have to tell you again?" Rachael, a bit peeved, "I am Gandalf's lover, and that is all you ever need know."  
  
Emily sighed and turned to her remaining friend.  
  
"Tama, what about you?"  
  
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.  
  
"Yeah, but you have to choose one," said Emily.  
  
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.  
  
"Tamela Page!" she yelled, "Pick something!"  
  
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.  
  
"Fine then!" exclaimed Emily, "You can just be a dwarf!"  
  
"I don't care," she said, not looking up from the computer where she was playing video games.  
  
"Haha, well, she did always say she wanted to swing Gimli around by his beard," laughed Lan.  
  
"Maybe it's some sort of Dwarf mating ritual," mused Rahael.  
  
Emily shrugged and finally, turned to herself.  
  
"What do I want to be?" she thought, and then got her "If I Ever Wrote A LOTR fan-fic, these are the Characteristics I would want to Have" List and looked it over:  
"Gandalf's Grandaughter  
"Super Cool Fighting Chick  
"Random Elven Chick  
"Slight Magical Powers  
"Stunningly Gorgeous  
"A great Horse woman"  
  
"Well, that should about do it," she said out-loud. Just then, she was struck by panic. "I've never even attended OFUM!" she thought panicked, (and if she did, she suspected she would not survive, as she would suffer a fate similar to being drawn and quartered from the result of trying to rush at all of her lust-objects at once), "If this is anything like my Hot Ship story, there's no way this'll make any sense! I mean, I know I would respect the rights of 'Naturally Nine,' but still...."  
  
With that, she began to hum Miss Cam's Lord Elrond's "Naturally Nine" song to the tune of "Jesus Loves Me:"  
  
"Nine's a number that is fine, "Not a one next to a line, "Never shalt thou count thee ten, "There were nine, they all were men-"  
  
But then, Emily stopped to consider.  
  
"But it doesn't make sense," she thought, "Because they weren't all MEN, they were all male, but, that's not the same-"  
  
Just then Lord Elrond poked his head in and said.... "Emily, can you find me another copy of the April '99 paper?"  
  
......?  
  
No, wait, it was just Mr. Morehead, the Journalism teacher and he was about to send her to fetch and carry for the next half-hour. Any attempt at a Lord of the Rings fan-fic would have to wait until later....  
  
* * * * * Authoress' Notes: Howdy! How do ya'll like this? I know it's only the first chapter and not very funny yet, but rest assured this was merely a set-up for the randomness to come! And, by the way, I know I made myself a Mary-Sue, don't worry, it's part of the plot! Let me know how you likies! Lots of Love, As Always! Makoto-47 aka Emily Claire 


	2. Once more into the Breach

Chapter Two:  
  
Emily yawned and rolled over. She blinked once, and then immediately opened her eyes. She was no longer in her handicapped-bathroom-sized bedroom, instead she found herself waking up in the middle of a deep forest.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" she screamed, "WHERE AM I?"  
  
At her yell, her companions woke up as well, and immediately began screaming, as they did not find themselves in the varied-sized bedrooms. Emily was considerably calmer when she saw her companions were only Rachael, Tamela and Lan.  
  
The screaming eventually stopped, and the girls looked around to start figuring out where they were. But they were slightly distracted when they discovered they were not their normal selves.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Tama, Lan and Emily screamed.  
  
"I'm a dwarf! Why am I a dwarf?" yelled Tama.  
  
"Um...I think you since you wouldn't cooperate I made you a dwarf?" said Emily, hesitantly.  
  
Tamela glared at her, but then Lan was too busy exclaiming over her cute outfit to pay attention.  
  
"I'm so cute! Look at my pretty long sleeves! And my cool embroidery!"  
  
Rachael, Tama and Lan hide smirks and snickers, as although Lan was clothed beautifully in Rohan clothing, she was still about four foot tall and distinctly Vietnamese.  
  
"Um...I have a question, Emma," said Rachael, hesitantly, "Why do I look like this?"  
  
The girls turned to look at Rachael. Oddly enough, although all the others were clothed in distinctly in Lord of the Ring-like clothing, Rachael was still clad in our-world clothing: jeans, pink T-shirt, and Doc Martins.  
  
"Er, let's see," said Emily, taking out her writing notebook and flipping to where she had made notes about her LOTR fan-fic. "Well, all you specified was 'Gandalf's Lover' so...I guess you can be his lover in any race?"  
  
Rachael considered this for a moment, then shrugged.  
  
"Uh, Emily, you look a LOT different," said Tamela, as they all averted the gaze from the glory streaming off of Emily.  
  
Emily, for the first time, time a close look at her and her ensemble. She was about six feet tall and stunningly gorgeous. Taking out her sword, she found that she was an expert surpassing the skill of even the King of Gondor. She knew that if she needed to perform healing, magic, or feats of horsewomanship, she would be able to do so with little energy exertion. You'd think that upon discovering this, one would be ecstatic. But Emily, as an avid fan-fic reader and writer, knew better.  
  
"Damn," she said.  
  
"What?" asked her friends.  
  
"I'm a Mary-Sue," she explained.  
  
"Uh...so?"  
  
"Well, see, Mary-Sue's are girls who are impossibly good at everything and impossibly gorgeous," said Emily.  
  
"So, that should be a good thing, right?" asked Lan, speaking for the still confused group.  
  
"Yeah, you'd think," said Emily, still annoyed at her discovery, "But everyone hates Mary-Sue's."  
  
"How much?" asked Tamela, suspiciously.  
  
"Uh...enough to kill them on sight," admitted Emily.  
  
The three girls were smart enough to realize that this meant, as the creator of the fan-fic, that if Emily was killed there was no guarantee the rest of them would get home safely...or at all.  
  
"Well, you know what you must do, then," said Lan.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," said Emily annoyed. She thought it over and picked out the abilities she thought would be most helpful on their journey. Within a few moments, she shrank back to her normal short height, large butt and everything. She had kept some skill with a sword and decent horse riding skills, but nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
"OK, so what do we do now?" asked Rachael, once they were all in their forms they planned on keeping for a little while.  
  
"Er..." said Emily, as they looked at her.  
  
"Emz, this is your fan fic!" exclaimed Tamela.  
  
"Yeah, you're supposed to take care of the plot and stuff!" said Rachael.  
  
"I know," said Emily, shifting guiltily, "But I didn't have much time to think about it! You guys think about where you wanna go and what you wanna do, and then we'll figure it out!"  
  
"Ooo!" exclaimed Rachael and Lan, in unison.  
  
"Oh, no," said Emily, having a fairly good idea of what they wanted to do.  
  
"Go to Gondor, see Aragorn, make love!" exclaimed Rachael.  
  
"Mirkwood! Mirkwood! And Legolas!" was all Lan could say.  
  
"Now, you guys," began Emily, "We can't change the Canon."  
  
"The canon?" asked Tamela.  
  
"Yeah, the canon is what we fan-fic people call the original story," explained Emily.  
  
"Uh...so how do you write a fan-fic at all?" asked Tama.  
  
"Well, the idea is to embroider the story, not completely rip it up and sew it back together for something new and different," said Emily.  
  
"That was a horrible allegory," said Lan.  
  
"Shut up," said Emily, "So you understand, we can't make any huge changes."  
  
Rachael, Tama, and Lan had a small conference at this point.  
  
"So, she thinks that the Yayas can go somewhere and not wreck havoc wherever we are?" asked Lan.  
  
"She's stupid," said Tama.  
  
"Well, she thinks she has to follow these rules, blah, blah," said Rachael, rolling her eyes.  
  
"We'll just make her think that she's following the rules," decided Lan, "And then...not."  
  
"Sounds good to me," agreed Rachael and Tama. They turned back to Emily, who had a peculiar look on her face.  
  
"I think my authoress instincts are telling me to take us to Rohan," said Emily.  
  
"Why?" asked the others.  
  
"I dunno," said Emily with a shrug, "It probably has something to do with things that can happen there that will be fun and interesting to read."  
  
"OK, well, do we know how to get there?" asked Tama.  
  
"Not to worry," said Emily, "It's in the bag."  
  
This was not just a clever cliché, it was true: Emily reached in her bag and took out a copy of The Lord of the Rings, flipped to the appendixes where the maps where and proceeded to lead the yayas towards Rohan.  
  
Yeah right....  
  
* * * * * Authoress' Notes: So, are the Yayas gonna make it to Rohan? (Unlikely) And if they do make it in one piece (more unlikely), what are they gonna do? Who knows? Send me a review with ideas and stuff, and I'll love you forever. Big thanks to Kingmaker for reviewing! Go read his stories, they are SO much better than mine! Lots of love, Emily 


	3. LOOK! JESUS!

Chapter Three: Look, Jesus!

"I have always said Rachael is the worst at directions!" yelled Tamela, angrily, as the Yayas stumbled out of Fangorn Forrest somewhat less than unscathed.

"I just thought if we followed the squiggly lines..." mused Rachael, bewildered.

"Give me this!" exclaimed Emily, snatching the book of maps from Rachael and examining it. Finally, she turned to Rachael with a scathing expression on her face. "Those squiggly lines are trees, doofus."

"Hey! You called me a doofus!" exclaimed Rachael, smacking Emily in the nana.

"Ow! So what, you are a doofus!" exclaimed Emily, hitting Rachael in the nana as well.

"Guys, stop it," said Tamela, "I am tired, I am hungry and I am also a dwarf. We need to get this Ederas place and soon-and they'd better have iced tea there!"

"It's Edoras," corrected Rachael, while Emily tried to examine the map and read it correctly. It all fell quiet and pretty soon the three were aware of a cheerful mumbling noise.

It was Lanny. She was happily talking to herself, as usual. The other three crept closer to hear what she was saying and trying to determine whether or not it required their attention. As usual, it didn't.

"Lanny!" exclaimed the three, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"I was like, I was like..." said Lan.

"What, Lan?! What were you like?!" asked the three.

"I was like..."

"WHAT? WHAT WERE YOU LIKE?" bellowed the three.

"I was like...Legolas was here once..." said Lan meekly.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" screamed Rachael, "THAN SO WAS ARAGORN!"

With that, she threw herself down on the ground and rolled around in the grass, trying to soak up the essence of Aragorn. Lan, Tama and Emily looked at her for a moment, and when it was apparent she wasn't stopping any time soon, they shrugged and decided to move on.

"She'll catch up," reasoned Emily.

"Besides, it's not fair she doesn't have that much to carry," said Tama, as she took up her axes and bag, Emily took up her sword and bag and Lan gathered all of her long flowy clothing about her.

They went off in the direction they assumed was towards Edoras.

It was early morning when they first spotted Edoras.

"Ooo! It's so pretty!" exclaimed Emily. An irritated look crossed her face and she said, "HEY! Where's the beautiful-beyond-beautiful Edoras fiddle theme music?"

The other two listened closely but could not hear any music. They looked at Emily and shrugged.

"Well, that's not very cool!" she said, "In musicals, they always have those musicians who follow them around and play music whenever they randomly burst into song! I want the theme music!!"

"Well, Ems," said Tama, "You're not exactly singing, are you?"

"Oh- no, I'm not!" laughed Emily. She felt steadily more uncomfortably as her other two Yayas were staring at her expectantly. "Uh, what?"

"Sing, I want the theme music too!" said Lan.

"Uh..." said Emily, before hesitantly and shyly breaking into song, "Matchmaker, matchmaker, find me a find! Catch me a catch!"

She stopped when the Yayas started rather glaring at her.

"What?!" she asked again.

"Matchmaker, Ems? Really?" asked Tamela.

"Oh, well, I didn't hear any music anyway, did you?" exclaimed Emily, irritated.

Yet again the Yayas listened carefully. They could almost hear a faint noise –

"Oh, it's just Rachael," said Tama, disappointed.

Rachael stomped up the hill, looking decisively angry.

"Ya'll left me!" she said.

"Thank you, Tamela," said Lan, sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"No, no, I'm Rachael," said Rachael, looking at Lan as if she were an idiot.

"No, I meant, 'cause you said 'ya'll' and that's Tamela's word-" began Lan.

"You stealin' my word, bi-atch?" asked Tama, poking Rachael's chest in an upfrontal manner.

"You tryin' to start something, Trina?" asked Rachael in the same manner.

"No, no, she's Tamela," said Lanny, "And, hey, why isn't Tama short like a dwarf?"

"Hey, be quiet, guys, I hear something!" said Emily, "Ooo! Maybe it's the theme music!"

None of her friends heard her and kept right on talking or arguing.

"You are a dirty whore!" yelled Tama.

"I mean, I was like, I'm just look forward to being taller than someone for once, but you know, I'm okay with being short, because, after all, I am SO incredibly cute-" said Lanny.

"YA'LL SHUT UP!" yelled Emily, "IT'S THE THEME MUSIC!"

Everyone stopped in awe as the beautiful Rohan theme music played. Everyone was distinctly teary-eyed until they noticed a large group of horsemen with the Rohan banner riding towards them.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled the Yayas.

"I can't meet Èomer looking like this!" exclaimed Rachael, who was covered in mud from rolling in it. "Emma, don't you have a change of clothes in your bag?"

"Uh, don't think so," said Emily, bending down to look. "Let's see, I've got the 'Gavel of this Conversation has Gone TOO Far,' 'The Pantyhose of Goodness,' 'The Hedgeclippers of Randomness,' and the 'Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment' but no change of clothes."

"You have what?" asked the three, with confused looks on their faces.

"The implements of the Queen of the Universe," explained Emily.

"Ohhhh," said the others.

"But don't mention it to anyone, I like to keep it on the down-low, 'cause you know, it's kinda important and they always do that in these books," she added.

"Riiiiiiiight," said everyone like Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove.

"Oh, here they come!" yelled Rachael.

"Look cool!" yelled Lan.

"Where?!" said the other three, frantically looking for cool.

"No, dumb butts!" said Lan, "ACT cool."

"Well, say so next time," said Rachael, sticking her tongue out.

"Well, I was like-" began Lan, but Emily quickly cut her off and stopped the inevitable fight.

"Look, something shiny!" she yelled.

Lan didn't look.

"I don't like shiny," she explained.

"Oh," said Emily, thinking hard, "OH! LOOK! JESUS!"

"WHERE???!!!!" yelled Lan, looking everywhere for Jesus while the others stepped in front of her and struck "cool" poses from Chicago.

The group of Rohan nobles rode up the hill and stopped by the curiously posed girls.

"Hiya!" yelled the three Yayas, who in their excitement, forget they were not in their old world.

"Excuse me?" said the head person, who happened to be Èomer, if you were wondering.

"Er- we mean, Good Day, my lords!" said Emily.

"Who are you?" he asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"We're the Yayas!" they exclaimed before they thought twice.

"You're what?" asked Èomer, now just looking like he was that odd kind of confused where you feel like you've clearly missed something and therefore other people seem really weird.

"Yayas," said Rachael, thinking quickly, "A tribe of really cool tribeswomen, who er-"

"Duh! A _tribe_ of _tribe_swomen? Ya' think?!" said Tamela.

"Shut up!" yelled Rachael, "Besides, you just said 'Duh!' That is soooo seventh grade!"

"Look, if I have to separate you two I am not going to be happy-" began Emily, before there was a rather annoyed clearing of the throat by Èomer. The girls looked up sheepishly.

"Look, we've been riding after renegade Orcs all day-"

"Ooo, exciting!" exclaimed the girls, before they were silenced by his stare.

"-and we're very tired and ready for dinner and such, so please explain who you are and what you're doing here before I loose my patience," finished Èomer.

The girls looked to Emily. She was, after all, the authoress extraordinaire.

"Well, you see, we're the only surviving members of a ruling race called the Yayas. We used to live on the outskirts of –er Fangorn but then we were attacked by Orcs – perhaps the very same Orcs you were chasing today- and we are the only known survivors."

Èomer's expression instantly turned into one of sorrow and sympathy.

"My deepest regrets, ladies," he said, with a slight bow.

"Yes, well, we were very upset," said Tama, tearfully, "But we're starting to get over it –slowly."

All the Yayas looked off into the distance with tearful expressions. The men of Rohan were deeply upset for the women (yes, all of the sudden they're women, hooray!) but could not quite figure out what they were looking at, even after several attempts to stare off into the distance and follow their eye lines –all to no avail. Finally, as one, as if on one big cue, the three Yayas looked away and back at the Rohan men.

"My ladies, I cannot help your loss, but I can offer lodgings at my home, Meduseld, if you would care to accept?" said Èomer.

"OKAY! THANKS!" yelled the girls, and with that, they followed Èomer and his men up the rest of the hill and into the city. As they walked at the back of the group, Lan rejoined the group.

"I couldn't find Jesus," she complained.

"Again?" asked Rachael, sympathetically. Someone was always finding Jesus and no one could ever find them. It was a very disheartening thing for all of them.

"Yeah," said Lan, "Too bad."

"Well, on the plus side, we saw the Eamer guy," said Tama.

"Èomer, Tama, I keep telling you!" yelled Emily.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway, we're going to go stay with him in the Golden Hall!" exclaimed Emily, excited.

"Oh, YAY!" said Lan, "That's almost as good as meeting Jesus! Especially as I'm related to them."

"To whom?" asked the other three, very grammatically correct I might add.

"Èomer and Èowyn," said Lan, as if it were obvious.

Tama, Emmy and Rachie exchanged looks.

"Riiiiiiiight," they said, "We doubt it."

"No really!" said Lan, "Wait and see!"

"Sister, we need lodging for our royal guests of the tribe of Yaya," said Èomer, as they walked into the great hall.

"Of course, brother," said Èowyn, smiling as she walked up to greet him. The Yayas sighed with contentment as they saw Èowyn,. Isn't she the greatest??

"For three," added Èomer.

"Four, my lord," corrected Rachael.

"Four?" he asked, "I only saw three."

"Yes, well, Lan was off looking for Jesus when we met," said Tama.

"Who?" asked Èomer, again looking confused. Then his eyes fell on Lan. Instantly, he had a huge smile on his face as he ran forward and pulled her into a huge bear hug.

Èowyn exchanged confused glances with the other three Yayas.

"Um, Èomer?" asked Èowyn.

"Sister, do you not recognize your own twin sister, Anawyn, who was sent away to Elvish boarding school when she was very young?" asked Èomer, in cheery disbelief.

"Uh..." said Èowyn.

"Sister!" exclaimed Èomer, "Come on, you two are identical!"

Èowyn, tall, regal, golden haired and fair skinned, looked at Lan/Anawyn, short, cute, dark-haired with a dark complexion. She raised an eyebrow.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiight," she said.

"Èowyn, stop being silly!" laughed Èomer, "Come, let's go eat with our newly reunited sister and her bloodsisters!"

"Hey, how did you know we were bloodsisters?" asked Rachael in disbelief.

Èomer scoffed.

"What, you think I haven't heard of the Yayas?" he laughed. Then he gathered all the Yayas up in a big hug and walked into dinner, holding Lan's hand in an adorable manner.

Èowyn and the three remaining Yayas looked at each other and shrugged and followed Èomer into the hall.

AN: HAHA! SO FUNNY! Anyway, I finally updated so I could get Lan to shut up. Also because all my Yayas have abandoned me for the sakes of their education. And Lan is a skank and went to U of L instead of Murray. (TRINA!) Anyway, explanations: Trina is our new word for "skank." And, "Hey, look! JESUS!" is what we say when we want someone to look away so we can hide their present/steal their French fries/run away and hide/or do anything else we don't want them to see. Usually, the person who is "looking for Jesus" looks everywhere while going, "WHERE? WHERE?" while pretending not to notice what the others are doing. Heehee, sooo much fun! Anyway, here you go, Lan. The Yayas of the Round Table will make an appearance in the next chapter and the Yaya lawyer firm will be sometime after that. To anyone else, thanks for reading. I'm sure you're not a skank like Lan. Or the rest of the Yayas. I love all of you.

Emma


	4. The Yayas of the Round Table

Chapter Four: The Yayas of the Round Table

Èowyn, being a very cool, nice and truly royal person, went in to check on the Yayas the following morning. To her surprise, they had all abandoned their respective beds and were lying curled up on the floor in a mass of blankets.

Èowyn shrugged but let it go. Luckily for her, the Yayas all instantaneously awoke that moment.

"Good morning," she said, pleasantly.

"Good morning," returned three of four Yayas over-energetically. Rachael merely glanced coolly at Èowyn and nodded. The three looked at her questioningly and then shrugged.

"I was just going to let you know breakfast is being served in the Hall," said Èowyn, somewhat unsettled by the intense gaze of Rachael.

"Thank you!" said Tama over cheerily, to compensate for Rachael's rudeness.

Èowyn left, disconcerted and the three Yayas turned immediately to Rachael and attempted to hit her in the nana as punishment for rudeness.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" yelled Emily.

"Decibels, Emily, decibels," said Tamela in a pained tone as she covered her ears.

"Sorry," apologized Emily, then returning to Rachael, she said, "What is wrong with you? Why were you so rude to Èowyn?"

"Oh, that," said Rachael, coolly, "Well, I don't like her. She has funny teeth."

"WHAT?" yelled Lan and Emily.

"Yeah," said Rachael, "Arwen is soooo much cooler."

"Arwen is just a big Elven floozy! She's practically part of the scenery! Like a tree or something!" exclaimed Lan, who was an avid supporter of the "Èowyn Rocks/I Hate Arwen" Fan Club.

"WHAT? YOU BE TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL?" bellowed Rachael, outraged, who was an avid supporter of the "Arwen Rocks/I Hate Èowyn" Fan Club.

"Decibels, Rachael, decibels," reminded Tama, once more covering her ears with a pained expression.

"Now, ladies," said Emily, in what she assumed was a pacifying tone, "It's not nice to talk about either of the ladies like that. They are both cool in different ways. After all, Arwen is a stunningly-gorgeous Elven Princess, but Èowyn is a beautiful Shield Maiden of Roh-"

(Emily belonged to neither the "Èowyn Rocks/I Hate Arwen" Fan Club nor the "Arwen Rocks/I Hate Èowyn" Fan Club, and merely admires both, although she tends to associate more with Èowyn. Tama, if you were wondering, belongs to neither as she doesn't know enough about Lord of the Rings to associate herself.)

Neither Lan nor Rachael paid the slightest bit of attention to Emily, and instead were yelling insults at each and demanding the other get out of their "Peacy-Full Bed" (as we call the Yayas' snuggling pallet of sleeping pleasures). Tama had long since abandoned any preconceived notions about a reasonable decibel level and pulled out a pair of ear muffs and a Cosmo magazine and was amusing herself as she saw fit. Emily eventually got bored of the argument as well and contented herself with reading over Tama's shoulder. She only realized that she was needed for something when Rachael and Tamela began yelling at her instead of each other.

"EMMA!" they yelled, "WE WANNA MAKE SHIRTS!"

Emily sighed and began complaining about how she was only wanted for her stuff, but nonetheless went to her bag and started pulling out stuff. Besides the Gavel of "This Conversation Has Gone Too Far," the Pantyhose of Goodness, the Hedgeclippers of Randomness, The Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment, (which were all mentioned last chapter), the RULE book, the Cattle-Prod of Public Service and the Magical Box of 64 Crayons that Provide Glee and Purpose in One's Life, she also pulled out her inhaler, a box of band-aids, the World's Smallest Violin, chopsticks and a hand-drawn map of Europe. Finally, she pulled out a bag from Hobby Lobby. In it was everything Lan and Rachael would need to make their shirts.

About twenty minutes later, the Yayas walked into breakfast. Tama and Emily were in their normal (by this world's standards) clothing, but Rachael and Lan each wore a new T-shirt over their previous outfit. They were both run-of-the-mill T-shirts with messages blazoned in iron-on letters. (OK, that sentence just gets an a plus for hyphen use and vocabulary word usage.) Rach's was blue and read "ARWEN ROCKS!" and Lan's was purple and read "ÈOWYN ROCKS!" No one made a comment on either shirt, although Èowyn was noticeably warmer towards her supposed twin sister.

Breakfast was enjoyable, despite the fact that the Yayas (especially Emily and Tamela, as they had no argument to distract themselves) amused themselves by making what they called "Food Art."

"It's very popular in Moldova," Tama assured those sitting near her.

It wasn't until after everyone was finished eating that Èomer came to speak to the Yayas.

"We have decided to have a council after the meal to discuss what to do with you all," said Èomer.

"Just say 'ya'll,'" said Tama, rolling her eyes, "It may be Southern but it's simpler."

Èomer looked hesitant but all the Yayas nodded at him both very energetically and encouragingly so he spoke again.

"Ya'll's presence is, naturally, required," he said awkwardly.

"We'll work on proper usage later," Tama assured him.

"Awesome, we can figure out where we are in the books!" said Emily, "We'll have to make some preparations but we'll be there."

Èomer nodded and started to walk away, but he suddenly turned back.

"What's with the shirts?" he asked, skeptically.

"I think mine speaks for itself," said Lan, "ÈOWYN ROCKS!"

"I think _mine_ speaks for _it_self," said Rachael, "ARWEN ROCKS!"

"Riiiiiiiiight," said Èomer, like Kronk from the Emperor's New Groove.

"Honestly, ya'll," said Emily, shaking her head, "With all the hot guys in LOTR, you're arguing over which girl is cooler?"

"Canon, Emily," reminded Tama, not looking up from her Cosmo.

"Right," said Emily, instantly holding out her hand to be smacked as she muttered, "Bad, Emily, BAD!"

Despite all his patience and good-will, Èomer was beginning to get a bit peeved. The meeting was supposed to have started forty-five minutes ago but (and you knew this was gonna happen) the Yayas were causing delays.

They had been hearing the girls' approach for about twenty minutes; from the long-hallway connecting to the Hall, they could hear scraping and dragging noises, often accompanied by cries of "LANNY!"

Finally, the Yayas appeared in the doorway. The people of the council saw what was taking so long. The Yayas were dragging a huge patio table with a glass top and complete with beach umbrella. No one could even begin to fathom the reasoning behind this.

The Yayas placed it precisely in the middle of the floor and then sat down wearily. They continued to look over their shoulders expectantly at the other members of the council. Finally and reluctantly, Èomer led his advisors over to the patio table.

"Thanks for your help," sneered the Yayas, sarcastically.

The people weren't exactly sure what to say other than, "What IS this?"

"We are the Yayas of the Round Table," said the Yayas, "And ya'll are sitting in the wrong area. All guests must sit in 'Skank Space,' obviously."

The people looked down at the table, which was divided with white electrical tape into four equal areas and then a fifth larger area. The four equal areas were each labeled with a rather janky "L," "R," "T," or "E." Depending on the name and the initial, the respective person was sitting in front of it. The remaning area was labeled as "SKANK SPACE!" The men rolled their eyes and crowded into the insufficient space.

"We wanted to get it decorated and engraved," explained Lan, "But we're on a budget."

"What does 'skank' mean?" asked Èomer.

"Skank? You know, as in 'Zelda' or 'Trina,'" said the girls.

The people all shook their heads. Rachael sighed and leaned over to quietly explain to them. They all looked at her oddly.

"You know, from anyone else I'd be offended," said Èomer.

"Wise decision," affirmed Emily, "Now, if you please, let's finally get this started!"

AN: Here you are, Lan and Yayas. The Law Firm will be in next chappie. To everyone else, hope you enjoyed! Lots of Love!

Emma

PS. Bonus points and a cookie if you can tell what countries Moldova borders!


	5. GRRL, you best be backin' up!

AN: I didn't proofread this, so please _pardon_ any mistakes! Thanks! (Sorry!)

Chapter Five: GRRL, you best be backin' up!

Yet again, Èomer was feeling slightly annoyed. The meeting was already forty-five minutes late due to the Yayas' Round Table and now they weren't even getting started as Emily, the self-proclaimed leader of the discussion, had to get her things in order.

She handed the RULE book to Rachael, who has nice hand-writing, along with a feathered sparkly-inked gel pen. She handed an embroidered pillow to Lan. The pillow was holding the Cattle-Prod of Public Service. Finally, to Tama, she handed to Granola Bars of Useful Fulfillment and two pitchers in which she was supposed to make iced tea and lemonade. For herself, she kept the Magical Box of 64 Crayons that Provide Glee and Purpose in One's Life and a Disney Princess Colouring Book, although the Gavel of "This Conversation Has Gone Too Far!" was within easy reach.

Èomer was trying not to be irritable as he tried to start the meeting.

"As I was going to say-" he began, but suddenly there was a loud beeping noise.

"Oh, darn," said Emily, looking down at her waist. The three Yayas followed suit, only at their own waists.

"What now?" sighed Èomer.

"Our beepers," said the girls.

They pointed to their waist upon which sat a utility belt. In the middle was something like a large reflector like one would see on the side of the road or on a bicycle or something. Each was engraved with the Yayas respective letter and sign. The reflector was currently blinking and flashing.

"Normally, we use them to find each other," explained Rachael, "We just press the button and each of our belts sends up a beam of light into the sky so we can find the other."

"Yes?" asked the people gathered.

"But today this means that someone has either violated the code of the Yayas or broken one of the RULES of the Universe," said Lan.

Despite himself and his wishes to get this meeting over with, Èomer felt himself intrigued.

"So, what do you do now?" he asked.

"Well, we'll follow the beeping until we find the cause," said Tamela.

So the four Yayas, Èomer and Èowyn all got up and left the round table and wandered around Edoras looking for the violation/violators. They were on the outreaches of town when they beeping got faster and louder. It lead them to the public outhouse. (Does it exist? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!) Peeking inside, the Yayas immediately recognized the violation of the RULES of the Universe.

"HOW DARE THEY?" gasped the Yayas.

Èomer and Èowyn both saw something odd in the outhouse but nothing out so ghastly as what the Yayas saw. Written in bright blue crayon was this: "Elijah Wood Loves Me For-Eva!"

"OH, GRRL," said Emily, "You best be steppin' back!"

"I don't understand," said the brother and sister.

"Elijah Wood is destined to love me and me only," said Emily, "Even if he doesn't know it yet!"

"We must find the perpetrator!" said Lan and Rach.

"And we must clean up this foul piece of...mess..." said Tama.

"Thank goodness it wasn't written in one of _my_ crayons," said Emily to Tamela., referring to Magical Box of 64 Crayons that Provide Glee and Purpose in One's Life, "Then it would _really_ take you forever."

"Yeah," Tamela started to agree, the realizing what Emily had said, she started to protest, "Wait-"

"Too late!" called the other three.

They then ran off, leaving Tama with the bucket, soap and lemon juice that had magically appeared to help her. Tama got to work, grumbling all the while.

"First, I'm a dwarf, and then I'm cleaning outhouses?" she said, "Something good better happen really soon!"

Èomer and Èowyn, while having no clue who this Elijah Wood fellow was, were even more intrigued by the sudden change of events. They followed the remaining three Yayas into the marketplace.

"Magic Powder," said Emily, by way of command.

Lan reached into Emily's bag an pulled out a small container of sparkly powder. She handed it to Rachael in a processional manner and then Rachael handed it to Emily in the same way. Emily unscrewed the lid, and then, as everyone held their breath to see what would happen next, she took a handful and threw it up into the air.

"Perpetrator!" she yelled, "Reveal yourself!"

There as a great pause as everyone watched the sparkles fly up into the air and then fall down onto everything in the market area. There was another pause as they waited for the apparent results.

...

Nothing happened. Now everyone was disappointed, as well as covered in incredibly sparkly sea foam sparkles .

"What?" asked Emily, confused.

"What's supposed to happen?" asked Èomer.

"The powder goes up in the air and comes down, but only the guilty party is covered in sparkles, and they should be red anyway," said Emily, still confused. Rachael took the powder from her and took a closer look. She rolled her eyes and turned to Lan.

"What?" asked Lan.

"Does this look like Magical Powder to you, Lan?" asked Rachael, exasperatedly. Emily took the container from Rachael, read it and then sighed as well.

"I was like..." said Lan.

"What, Lan?"

"I was like..." said Lan

"What, Lan?! What were you like?!" shouted Emily and Rachael.

"I was like..." said Lan

"WHAT, LANNY?!?!" asked the two.

"It's very sparkly," said Lan, unabashed.

Rach and Emma rolled their eyes and dug through Emily's bad until they found the real Magical Powder, not just the sparkly eye shadow that had cleverly masqueraded as Magical Powder. Yet again, Emily took a handful and threw it up in the air, yelling the magic words. The townspeople took no notice, especially as they were not eager to be covered in even more sparklies, nor did they wish their goods and wears to be covered in said glitter. (A sparkly apple may look appetizing, but it's dreadful on the palate.)

"You know, it does look an awful lot like the real Magical Powder," said Èowyn, examining both containers.

"Really, Èowyn, really?" asked Rachael in a sarcastic voice, before Emily hit her in the nana with both exasperation and excitement. Everyone turned to look as they saw a red-covered figure dart into an ally-way.

"After them!" called Emma, and all of the group ran after the perpetrator.

"YOU?" exclaimed Rachael, Lan and Emily as they all cornered the mystery person in the corner.

DUN-DUN-DUN!

AN Heehee, that was fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Did you? Much love to all reviewers. Go check out my BFF Lan's Wicked College Story thing. ( ) (I'm in it, and that should be enough incentive for anyone.) Write me! LOVE!

-Emma


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